I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Randomize
