his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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