whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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