Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
