I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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