Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
