That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
