That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
please come you make the beer taste better
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
