Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
