I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
