time to smoke my breakfast
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize