My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sorry about my life...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
