i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
