I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
