seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
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