38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
