I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
