youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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