last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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