she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
