did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
