Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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