Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
