I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
