i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
