So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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