Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
