mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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