Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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