What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
