it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
