I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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