I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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