he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
