he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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