So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
