Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
