do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
