she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize