the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize