kristin has been a bad kristin
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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