If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I wish I only lived at night.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
