Apparently you make a good broom.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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