Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize