i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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