So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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