Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??