Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.