What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse