At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.