The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
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You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah