you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
