How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is my gift to your gina
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
