Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
