its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
