Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
