ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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