She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
