if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
