so let's talk penis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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