Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
