did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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