I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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