So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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