I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
