the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize