How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How many fucks given?
0.12846
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
