I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
