She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
