hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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