textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
false alarm. still invincible.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
