Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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