NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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