me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
