When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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