maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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